Death as a part of Life

Ive noticed that the older I get, the more I think about death. Curiously, its not my death Im preocupied with, but rather, the death of others, of loved ones, friends, family.  

When I was 20, death was some far-off concept that belonged to distant relatives or very old people. As I grew older, suddenly people I knew, who connected with me in some way or other, started dying. By my 40s the list of people I knew who had died, had grown, as Im sure it does for everyone.  The longer you live the more people you know,first alive, then later, dead.

Now Im 53, going on 54. My own death is a very real posibility, yet Im still more concerned about someone else dying.  I look at my parents, they are in their late 70s and I know that our time together is so much shorter now than when I was a child and it seemed to me that my parents would live forever.

My boyfriend calls me to say he is ill in bed, and suddenly I wonder if his tender words are the last ones Im going to read from him.

I wouldnt call it an obsession..or maybe it is..I dont know, I wonder if others think/feel the same as I do..I have felt the pain in my heart of loosing someone, even though they are still alive.

Its such a curious thing..to think of death.  I never thought about it when I was young. I suppose when one is young life seems eternal, I remember feeling the dragging on of years when I was 15..18 seemed sooooo far away.

Now, it seems that life, anyones life, is over in a wink of an eye.  And Im so sure about that inevitability that it feels like Im just waiting for the "when", having accepted the "will". 

I suppose in a way its good, it certainly has been the best teacher for "staying in the moment".  To live each moment with a loved one as if it were the last, knowing that once that moment is gone it will never return again.

I dont feel that this outlook is morbid.  When I was a child, my grandmother took care of me.  She was then in her 60s and had many friends, inevitably they would die.  Death was a part of life, it was always there, always talked about as something natural and not to be feared.  Yes it was sad, but life is sad sometimes.

Ive never had anyone close to me die.  I dont know how Ill react when my parents die. I just know it will happen, its a fact of life that I have accepted.
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